The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you had me at cake vodka
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
