I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
