Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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