So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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