just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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