he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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