I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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