If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
