That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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