the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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