You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
