took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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