mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dating After Heartbreak
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...