She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?