i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed