I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on