Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
