i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.