Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Randomize
Follow @tfln