I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.