My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible