Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
