I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
