i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
