My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
