I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
