someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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