so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
