I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
