Where is the hickey?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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