I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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