i just had sex bonerless
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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