Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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