you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
