so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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