I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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