I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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