I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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