We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
