yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
