do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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