I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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