I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
