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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.

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• (323): View more from California

  Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

  (1-323): View more from California

  We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

  (323): View more from California

  Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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• (956): View more from Texas

  Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.

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• (858): View more from California

  Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019

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