he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
