Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
