So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
