he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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