a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
