my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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