Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
