I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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