He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
