Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
