I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
