Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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