I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.