I wish my penis had an off switch
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"