but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
