all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
