Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
