How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
