They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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