I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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