I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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