Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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