Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
