you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
