did you get engaged???
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
