My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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