your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
