we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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