Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
