Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
