Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
