Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
