today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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