my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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