yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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