Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
